Discussion: romance, love, marriage.


I had a sis talk to me on MSN.. yesterday, havent talked to her in a long time. She lives locally. Thinks of me as an older Bro / uncle.

Anyways she was telling me she’d met someone and wanted to marry him. After asking her  some inquisitive answers realised she had met him on the net and thereafter they had met personally in public “gone for coffee” a few times. Shes Indian He’s Bengali. She told her mum about him who said don’t mind you having him as yr friend but not a husband. Hasn’t mentioned to dad yet..probably scared of his reaction. Anyways she told me and asked me for some advice… What i told her might have been a bit strong but I said basically:

cut contact with him, stop communications as anything that could lead to Zina is inclued as Zina.  At the moment your in love infatuated but some of this is due to the distance between you and due to longing for each other. If you were to marry all the romance would finish and the reality would set in.

However I didn’t say don’t marry him I told her stop communicating then Make dua istikharah consult and whatever is best for you will happen inshallah. If your meant for each other Allah will make it easy and if you aren’t Allah will make it hard. But the key is taqwa, dua and trust in Allah.

I might be wrong in this advice .. but this is what came to my heart..

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11 responses to this post.

  1. […] FRESHisBACK wrote an interesting post today on […]

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  2. Assalamu Alaykum,

    Ma’shallah, a great article but i have to say you have to make a decision bro.

    Wassalam

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  3. its not for me its her prob..she wants to marry a guy.

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  4. I think advising her to do istekhara is good, but she should also let her father meet the guy and his family.

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  5. very true @ solace.. you know sometimes I think if we just followed the Islamic Guidelines everything would be smooth but nowadays will all the dating and stuff people just get mixed up in their lives.

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  6. I think the advice about her asking ALLAH for guidance was great. How can her mother tell her he can be a good friend? If they have feeling for each other he needs to be a man and step up to the plate and meet her family and ask to marry her. My only question to you is why did you say once she gets married all the romance will be gone.
    I was married a long time and it was romantic until he died. Marriage does not mean the end of romance it should be the begining.

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  7. Posted by Aliyah on October 25, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Assalamualykum,

    Sometimes situations can be complicated. What I don’t hear enough, is the truth that sometimes parents can be wrong. A real situation for myself is where a girl met a guy incidentally and having known about his character and depth of emaan, she became highly attracted to him. However her parents dislike the idea of them being together as she would have to migrate to another country; after she informed them of her feelings, her parents interfered by stating their disapproval and by trying to talk the girl out of it..things got complicated, now the girl can’t seem to get over the guy, even though he is no longer part of her life.

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  8. salaams

    @ living I think I eant like the missing and logging for each other whilst apart before marriage will settle. I dunno maybe its different for each couple.

    @ Aliyah I guess there is no cure for a boken heart unless it learns to love again.

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  9. salaam,

    i think this is a great blog Masya Allah.. i will in shaa Allah will take note for some advice there. like stop communicate, contact and etc. thats really open my mind.

    thanks.

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  10. Assalamualaikum,

    When in doubt, it is best to seek the assistance from Allah S.W.T. Additionally, if I were in your shoes, I would have given her the same advice.

    I suppose at times, love does make you see only the beauty in everything, thus the saying “Love is blind”. Being intoxicated and absorbed in the ecstasy, some people aren’t able to differentiate between what is real, and what is well … a fantasy. Though I do not negate that real love do exist. 🙂

    Hope that everything works well for her. ^

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  11. me too.. and I’m sure real Love exists. One of the signs of ALlah is the Love he puts between a husband and a wife.

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